I now understand the 'alcoholic author' trope

Hi everyone! 

I just got feedback on a short story I recently wrote. I was very proud of the story since it was the longest thing I have written so far. My professor ripped that story open and dissected every part of it.

"That's his job! I am paying for this! He knows more than you! I shouldn't be mad about it," I think.

But I am mad. 

I am mad, grateful, confused, hurt, humbled, understanding, embarrassed, and determined. I have a lot of big feelings all at once and it sucks.

The criticism wasn't even harsh, it was brutally honest. I need that kind of criticism in order to become a writer. Not to mention I will get much worse feedback once I become published. However, I am irrationally upset about it. I feel like I put so much time and effort into something I'm proud of just for it to be a meager 80%. 

I had a thousand word limit and I went over by two thousand. I pulled back a lot in order to not overwhelm my professor and TA when grading. I made sure it flowed and had enough information to be compelling and short. In his feedback my professor asked for more explanation and depth. I cannot think of any way to give more explanation without adding on three to four thousand words (like I wanted it to be). So, now I will be spending the next few days fine tuning this story, word count be damned.

 (Side note: I had this problem in another class, I despise a word count. You will not put a word cap on my creativity damnit!) 

The sting of the criticism is both fueling my determination to become a great writer, and my self-hatred. Before anyone says it, yes I am well aware I need to grow thicker skin. I now know why a lot of great writers are alcoholic shut-ins. Criticism is a double edged sword--it hurts but it's needed. 

I hope the vodka and weed are ready for me tonight. 

(Side note: I have no qualms with my professor! He is a very intelligent and talented man. I am very grateful to be taught by him. I just have never been this critiqued before.)